The most offensive thing to most people is having their views “misrepresented,” sort of.

“Because you THIS you must be ALL OF THAT.” —> 🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬

What I think this is really about is an innate knowing of ourselves: That we’re complicated, much more than any one facet.

The fear of being misrepresented doesn’t have a lot of good outcomes. In fact, I think they are all bad. We’re in an especially fraught time for this now, when it can be really scary to question one’s own thoughts out loud, which is a lot of what conversation is about.

One result of so many “afraid of saying the wrong thing” is a growing anger against what used to be called “political correctness” and is now called “cancel culture.” But even those of us who scoff at those terms: There IS a feeling in the air, isn’t there? What do we do with it?

The answer can’t be to “get rid of cancel culture.” That’s a cop-out, as is any solution that requires a whole bunch of people (who aren’t you) to change.

Those of us who are afraid of saying the wrong thing—what can WE do?

I think we need to be willing to be Earnestly Wrong.

Being Earnestly Wrong means being curious about what parts of your ingrained thoughts and beliefs might be wrong, being willing to share them with others, and most importantly, being willing to sit with the uncomfortable feeling of being wrong, even publicly wrong.

Judging others for being offended is really just being offended that others are judging you.

You probably aren’t righteously angry at them. Your feelings are hurt.

Whenever you find yourself thinking “that person really needs some thicker skin,” it’s probably you who needs the thicker skin.

Why does it feel so uncomfortable that you made them uncomfortable? You can sit with that. You don’t need any permission. It won’t be the last time.

Being Earnestly Wrong isn’t about prostrations and false apologies and demonstrations of guilt. These are defensive postures. They are about protection from judgment. There’s no earnestness, no humility, no willingness to engage or undergo any real change.

Being Earnestly Wrong, you will at some point be mistaken for being maliciously wrong. Rather than retreating into defensive position or lashing out, notice: If this is happening to you, maybe it’s happening to others as well, and maybe you’re the one doing it.

Breathe a little.